I asked an adoptive mother of a raped conceived child to share her story from the perspective of adoption. Se has decided to remain anonymous to protect her child at this time. My saying is Unwanted Pregnancy but not an Unwanted Child.
Adopting a Child Born from Rape
When Juda asked me to submit an article regarding how I felt about adopting a child born out of a union that involved rape, I couldn’t help but think that, quite simply, it really didn’t matter. To others, I’m sure that may matter, but to us, our daughter was a gift plain and simple. Our biggest concern was her and how we would help her process this information, but for us, it was all gain. Our story, like many adoption stories, began with the horror of infertility. This is our story and hers. (note: names have been changed for privacy)
Everybody loves Christmas, especially those of us who are blessed to have children to celebrate with, but not every married couple has children, even those who want them very badly. This was the situation my husband and I found ourselves in after several years of marriage. Infertility is a heart-breaking, isolating, embarrassing condition, and the hurt and pain are only magnified during the Christmas season.
Adoption is a fantastic option, but it takes a very long time in the United States to be able to adopt an infant. In December of 1998 we found ourselves facing yet another Christmas without a baby, still waiting for “the call” from the adoption agency. It had already been 3 years – would God ever answer our prayers? December, 1998, my Dad was still praying that we would be blessed with a baby this Christmas. December 23, I was at a company Christmas party at a restaurant and a waiter walks over to my table with a phone in his hand. My husband needed to speak with me urgently! A baby girl had been born that morning and her birthmother had chosen us to be her parents. December 24, on Christmas Eve, we brought Lindsey home in a Christmas stocking, and God’s gift to us was under the tree that Christmas.
Six months later, the pediatrician noted some things at her physical that warranted an MRI. The results that came back were devastating. Lindsey had multiple brain abnormalities, and her future was very unknown. The official diagnosis was cerebral palsy. In Lindsey’s case, it compared to someone who has had a stroke. She began physical and occupational therapy at once. Unlike most babies who learn to do basic skills on their own, she had to be taught each milestone, and she had to work very hard on all her motor skills. Each achievement was a victory, but each victory meant moving on to the next hurdle as well!
At the age of 3, Lindsey accepted Jesus. She literally came out of her 2’s and 3’s Sunday school with a Sunday school paper in her hand about the story of Dorcas. She told us she wanted to follow Jesus like Dorcas did, and my husband led her to Jesus. She has never wavered in her love for Jesus and even at that age would ask anyone she met “do you love Jesus”? (If the answer was “no”, she hunted the person down!)
Lindsey has had surgery on her leg two times, both of which had a full recovery time of one year, with several months of not being mobile. One time (as I was crying my eyes out), she told me not to worry because Jesus would be with her in the operating room. Her faith has gotten her through many difficult days.
Lindsey has known mostly struggle from the beginning, but her achievements are made that much sweeter by the struggle. Her weaknesses, from a human standpoint, have made her faith stronger than most her age because she has had to depend on God that much more. She struggles at times with being different and with knowing she struggles more than her peers. She looks forward to the day when Jesus takes away her cerebral palsy, but seems to have accepted that part of God’s plan for her life.
We are eternally grateful to Lindsey’s birthmother. She had every reason in the world to abort the baby she carried, and, in fact, most would have advised her to do so under the circumstances. Barely out of high school, she instinctively knew that murdering her baby was not a solution to the crime that had come upon her.
While I cannot speak to every situation, I can tell you , in this case, the Bible verse Romans 8:28 has been true “ And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” God took an infertile couple, a woman who had been raped, and a child that may have been aborted and, as only He could do, turned it into an unbelievable blessing. So, while this is our story, it’s really His story. Daily, we watch Him turn evil into blessing because one special, incredible birth mom chose to obey, believe, and then act in what she knew to be true. We are forever in her debt, and grateful to be Lindsey’s parents.